This is one of my favourite things that Byron Katie says. It makes me chuckle out loud. It reminds me -- when I am so sure I know something to be true -- of my very limited perception of things.
In other words, it serves to knock me on my butt when I become too self-assured, too self-righteous or smug in my belief about how things are. Which happens ALL. THE. TIME. If I'm paying attention, I notice I am usually thinking I know how things should and shouldn't be.
It's me, running the world.
So in last week's post, I made a hefty claim that I said I would address more fully in a future post. This is that post. And the claim was, Nothing is ever wrong. I said this isn't possible.
How can this possibly be true?? So outlandish.
Most of us live in a perpetual state of something is wrong whether it's 'something is wrong with me" or "something is wrong with my life" or with someone else (they shouldn't be like that!) or with this world. We think that this state of arguing with the way things are is normal. It might be common, but that is not the same thing as normal.
We're just so used to feeling stressed all of the time that it is second nature. (Hmmm ... I wonder what first nature might be, come to think of it... If you want to find out, then inquiry is for you!)
This feeling of stress means that we are believing something is wrong. We are sure. It's so obvious: not enough money, life is too hard, I could get it wrong, I need their love and approval, they should be different, I NEED this to be different! ... not to mention WAR or a pandemic, people dying... Clearly, something is wrong here.
Here's what might help you be able to loosen the grip of the I-know mind that is so sure something is --many things are -- wrong:
We haven't considered that it could be possible that we live in a world where there's no such thing as right & wrong.
Or good & bad.
We learned this one verrry young. We learned -- or more accurately, believed -- that there was a right way and a wrong way. To do everything. And if we could just learn the right way, then we would be spared from anger from others, from shame, fear, humiliation, embarrassment ... that awful feeling in the pit of our stomachs. That we never, ever wanted to feel ever again. Ever.
So we try to be perfect (as if such a thing existed) and tried to fit in. Do things right. And then we tried to make our lives perfect, and then we turned our attention to the world. MUST. FIX. IT. This scary, unpredictable, God-forsaken world.
And we're still doing it.
And it's stressful.
There's another option available to us: question it. Question these things that we think are wrong.
In my own life, I've questioned many, many things that I've thought were wrong but probably nothing more so than my daughter's health condition (although questioning beliefs about her dad, my ex, comes a close second!). Because it has caused -- by far -- the most fear.
I got to see that it's not her health that is causing the fear ("But if she didn't have it, I wouldn't be afraid, says the mind!") but rather the belief that something is wrong regarding her health that is causing my fear. This might seem like a "So what? Sounds like the same thing to me" kind of an answer.
It's not. It is is world of difference.
I sat in it and really considered whether I could absolutely know it's true that there's something wrong with her health in spite of allll the evidence to support that.
And when I opened to what I could see, what I could be in touch with when I didn't believe that oh-so-compelling story, well ... peace was just the tip of the iceberg.
I started to see how Bella's health being 'wrong' led me to so many places in search of cures for her and relief from my deep fear for me, that I would otherwise would not have gone. In fact, because of my ongoing PTSD around it, I found my way to The Work.
There have been many times I've been grateful for seemingly terrible things because they have been my portals in to a deeper, accurate perception of life and myself. I refer to doing self-inquiry like unwrapping a gift. We think that peace is the gift but actually that's almost like the box the gift comes in ... a side benefit.
I came to see that, actually, it's more true that the things I thought were wrong like Bella's health are right. This black & white world of right & wrong gets blurred through self-inquiry and this comes as such a massive relief. We are freed to see things in an entirely different way that brings peace and even excitement.
One of my favourite Rumi quotes is,
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.
There's a new view that comes with sitting in self-inquiry of what is really going on here in this thing we call life that you can't get through thinking about it or even other people's accounts. (Trust me, I tried both and followed those winding roads until they reached their dead ends).
Ultimately, of course, words don't teach; they can only act as signposts. And this is the whole point of self-inquiry: it's an experience. It's not something to be thought about ... it can't be acquired intellectually but only known.
If you're curious about self-inquiry and the profound gifts it will bring into your life, I'd love to support you in deep one-on-one transformative sessions.
p.s. Please feel free to email me at email@example.com if you want to know more than what's on the website or have any questions.