Uncaged: the parent edition
“Our parents, our children, our spouses, and our friends will continue to press every button we have, until we realize what it is that we don't want to know about ourselves, yet.
They will point us to our freedom every time.”
― Byron Katie
"Our job is unconditional love. The job of everyone else in our life is to push our buttons."
Okay, so you love your kid(s) but ... sometimes they drive you absolutely crazy and before you know it you're acting in ways you're not proud of and wish you could take back.
Or, you feel like your job as parent is too much ... your child or children are somehow causing you extra work, for example if they are struggling ... and you don't know how to help them.
It might comfort you to know that this is what kids are for ... just like everyone close to you in your life: to push all your buttons so that we are driven to understand what we're experiencing on a deeper level ... and to find a solution. It's a way of putting the pressure on so that we are so uncomfortable -- in our anger, frustration, sadness, fear, etc. -- that we open our minds to what we are not seeing.
It's life's way of supporting us ... although it can certainly feel far from that at times when we're in the throes of overwhelm at parenting.
For me, the big push of my parenting life has been the emotion of fear ... for the welfare of my daughter. She has a few health conditions that put her life suddenly in jeopardy from the time she was born and I was left with severe PTSD.
I was experiencing my role as single parent more demanding than I believed I had the capacity to handle ... both in terms of the emotional-mental burden and just the everyday practical demands of being a working adult and parent.
It turns out that this 'bringing to my knees' was exactly what I needed to set me on the road to deep seeking ... and then finding ... a profound solution that was beyond what I even imagined.
Judging by these pictures, face-painting was a theme for us! (These were taken about 12 years ago ... the one includes my niece.)
The butterfly is of course one of the strongest symbols of transformation but even a tiger or leopard (changing our 'spots') allows us to experience ourselves differently in the world .... This is the realm of The Work.
If you want to transform how you experience life ... if you're finding your role as parent too stressful or your relationship with your child/children too fraught then I have what you're looking for.
In this 3-week course together, we're going to take a look at what anything that is bothering you or stressing you out about either your child/ren and their experience of life, or, about your experience of being a parent.
Do they hate school and it's a fight to get them there? Do you find them too emotional or too needy? Do you not feel as close to them as you would like because they're too different from you? Do you see them as being too insecure, too selfish, too difficult to get along with or something else?
How do you wish it was different? How do you wish they were different or you were different?
If you've been trying not to think as you're thinking, trying to "be a better person" and not get triggered, or anxious, etc. and you feel kind of at a loss because nothing is changing ... or you're exhausted by it all ... then I welcome you to explore the miracle that is self-inquiry. You will never see yourself, your children, or life in the same way again. That is not hyperbole ... that is the power of this work.
My daughter & I are best friends ... something I always longed for when I was a child & teenager myself and saw how close some girls seemed with their moms. I wanted that.
It's not a mystery to me now how this happens; it's available to you too. And the good news is it doesn't take them changing in any way for you to feel deeply connected. It just takes you.
She's also been my teacher in a profound & practical way, an awareness that I will invite you into for yourself.
"I don't have a relationship with my children, I have intimacy instead."
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